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No Way, No How, Nowhere

from The Ego Has Landed by Phil Nice

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about

This retro, upbeat showcase number was inspired by numerous conversations with telephone sales reps, plugging everything from IT to investment schemes. An exploration of skepticism, rational and irrational. It's also a nod in the direction of jump jive and the pre rock 'n' roll world of Louis Jordan, for which I share a passion with Kevin Grenfell, who sings lead with me here as well as playing some cracking horn stuff. Purists will find the presence of close harmony, banjo, half tone modulation and something harking back to the Andrews Sisters misplaced here, but I've always seen music as a buffet of exotic cuisine, where one might mix the dessert with the main course or finish with the starter if one didn't know better, as long as the experience was good. Thanks to Kevin, Karen, Torben, MC and Lars for your performances and support.

Trivia: The "slapstick" is a home built touch guitar with 6, 7 or 12 strings, depending on the model (I have made several and can't remember, which one went where). here. it plays the role of "jazz guitar" in a solo and various comping duties.

lyrics

Never a borrower or lender be
No way, no how, nowhere
You say, trust me
I’ll wait and see
No way, no how, nowhere
Should I jump for joy and dance a jig?
Invest my dough in something big?
Is it lipstick on the same old pig?
No way, no how, nowhere

New financial instruments
No way, no how, nowhere
Earn in growing increments
No way, no how, nowhere
Show me one more get rich scheme
The greatest thing since margarine
A pipeline full of pipe dreams
No way, no how, nowhere

No way. I’m skeptical
You’re twitching with your eye
What is it that you’re trying to sell?
Here’s a diet pill for a big fat lie

This new thing you call a wheel
No way, no how, nowhere
It rolls around, is that the deal?
No way, no how, nowhere
That’s your latest get rich scheme
The greatest thing since Vaseline
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen
No way, no how, nowhere

I want it all and I want it now
No way, no how, nowhere
But put in those ten thousand hours?
No way, no how, nowhere
I want the knowledge and the skill
I want the view from on the hill
Can I maybe get it as a pill?
No way, no how, nowhere

credits

from The Ego Has Landed, released August 6, 2017
Guest artists:

Kevin Grenfell: Lead vocals, trumpet, trombone
Lars Harboe, Torben Kaas, Karen Nice, M.C. Hansen: Background vocals

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